Many anal tears can also be so small that they don’t bleed, King adds, so if you are heavily bleeding, it’s best to check in with your doctor. Makes sense when you consider that vaginas are built to have babies pass through them whereas what normally exits your anus is uh, not baby-sized. The reason behind this is in part because the rectum doesn’t have the same elasticity that the vagina has, so it can be more prone to tears, explains King. The truth: “While it’s common to have some bleeding after anal sex, it’s not normal,” King says. The myth: It’s normal to bleed after anal sex. Relaxed anal sphincter muscles make penetration way easier and will help alleviate any concerns about pain, King says. “Ultimately, sex should be pleasurable,” King adds, so focus on making it as pleasurable as possible for you instead of approaching it from a “how can this hurt the least” perspective, because when done correctly, it shouldn’t! King also suggests getting a long-lasting silicone lube (be sure it’s condom-safe or toy-safe if you’re using it with either) for anal and making sure you’re wholly turned on and your body is looking forward to the experience. If anal is painful because there isn’t enough foreplay beforehand or you’re not lubricated enough, or you’re just diving into things too suddenly to the point of causing pain: stop. Nope, pain during sex shouldn’t be a factor if you’re doing it correctly, King explains. The truth: It's not normal for pleasurable anal sex to hurt. The myth: It’s normal for anal sex to hurt.
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And of course, you’re also more than free to touch yourself while pegging your partner. Some pegging strap-ons are even “strapless” meaning you hold the dildo inside your vagina using your pelvic muscles (or hands!) to peg your partner. The truth: Not true! Orgasming is much more than just being penetrated (in fact, hi, a majority of those with vaginas need external clitoral stimulation to orgasm rather than just penetration), and many pegging toys have built-in vibrators or pockets for vibrators you can use. The myth: As someone pegging your partner, you won’t be able to orgasm. It’s also a good idea to get started with anal training, or having you your partner insert a finger or toy into your anus before going straight in for penetrative anal sex with a penis or larger toy. As Tatyannah King, a sexual health and wellness blogger explains, anal sex can feel “dissimilar” upon insertion and penetration, but the more relaxed someone is during anal, the more comfortable it will feel.
It makes sense to wonder about the likelihood of encountering fecal matter during anal since it is anatomically logical, but anal isn’t quite just the feeling of pooping backwards. The truth: Of course, with anal, the elephant in the room is usually about poop. The myth: Anal sex feels like pooping backwards. Namely, Tatyannah King, a sexual health and wellness blogger Jenni Skyler, PhD, LMFT, and CST, an AASECT certified sex therapist and sexologist for Sarah Melancon, PhD, clinical sexologist and expert for expert anal surgeon Evan Goldstein, DO, of Bespoke Surgical LGBT sex expert Kryss Shane, MS, MSW, LSW, LMSW Daire Faust of Kat Van Kirk, PhD, a clinical sexologist and marriage and family therapist and board-certified ob-gyn Terri Vanderlinde, a sex counselor. To help debunk some of the myths around anal, we rounded up a bunch of experts.